“In order to have a successful relationship, you really need to be able to give of yourself – to go outside your own needs, wants and viewpoints,” says David Reid, a clinical psychologist and professor in the Department of Psychology in 91��ɫ's Faculty of Health.

Right: A Victorian Valentine's Day card. Image: Wikimedia Commons.

“It sounds obvious, but I see so many clients who cannot put themselves in their partner’s shoes. Either they aren’t used to thinking in terms of the point of view of their spouse, or they simple refuse to,” he says. “This doesn’t mean you cave in to everything your partner wants. Rather, you learn to be more intuitive and emotionally sensitive towards your spouse. When this is done reciprocally it can create a very positive symbiotic shift in a relationship,” he says.

Reid has studied and documented the dynamics between couples for more than 15 years. He developed a new type of therapy that helps partners create a greater identity for themselves within their relationship, so much so that they begin to talk as if the relationship is part of their individual identities.

“You’re changing the relationship in ways that draw the partners into feeling and thinking of themselves as part of the relationship,” says Reid. “At its best, a relationship can actually allow you to express your identity and get to know yourself in ways you never thought possible,” he says.

His most recent research shows that as a result of participating in couples’ therapy, partners become significantly better at inferring what the other is thinking and feeling – the cornerstone of a healthy relationship.

With couples’ consent, Reid videotaped therapy sessions and then painstakingly studied how each set of partners related to one another.  He designed techniques that accommodate the uniqueness of each partner and their relationship, including their respective personalities and added factors such as culture, family dynamics, and other challenges like medical problems.

Reid revisited the couples two years later to document how their relationships had progressed, using an unbiased interviewer. He repeatedly found that couples’ satisfaction was connected to how well they had learned to identify with their relationship as a result of the therapeutic intervention.

“It’s as if they learn to be their own therapists,” Reid says. “When you improve the relationship in ways that accommodate the idiosyncrasies of each partner, often the original issues that you argued about either dissolve, or are really quite easy for the couple to solve themselves,” he says.

Part of his therapeutic process involved interviewing a partner who agreed to pretend to be their spouse, attempting to answer questions from their partner’s viewpoint. Their spouse sat out of sight, and was later interviewed in the same manner.

“There’s a big impact witnessing one’s partner knowing you so well,” Reid says. “In doing this exercise, a husband may find that he knows more about his wife than he’s aware of, and vice versa.”

Reid offers the following tips for couples to strengthen their relationship:

• Put your own issues aside and respectfully engage the point of view of your spouse. If you can’t solve the problem, maybe you’re part of it.
• Pay attention to your intuitions. Be honest with yourself. Do you feel something isn’t right? There’s a bias in our world to think you can solve every problem with reason.
• Learn to listen honestly – not to win a point. Communication is based on feedback. Listen to understand your partner’s meaning, rather than just the words they are using.
• Try to accept each other. That includes accepting yourself; no one is perfect. Acceptance can go a long way towards resolving differences.
• When you’re having a major disagreement, remember to also speak for the relationship and not just yourself. In those moments of discord think of what would be best for the relationship. Research has found that partners in a well-functioning relationship have learned to make the relationship the bigger priority.
• Quit naysaying. Phrases like “I can’t,” “that won’t work,” “we can’t afford it,” can be replaced with formative thinking, such as, “How can we make this work,” “Is there another way we can do this.”
• Remember that the only person you can change is yourself. If your partner exhibits behaviour that is upsetting to you, half the battle can be to change yourself in such a way that it leads the other person to evolve, as well.
• The secret to longevity is good maintenance. Do those little things to keep the relationship humming along; nurturing, finding value in the relationship, and not taking it for granted. Relationships are not “things.” They are a dynamic ongoing process for growth, well-being and good health.

Republished courtesy of YFile– 91��ɫ’s daily e-bulletin

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The title will be conferred on Armstrong at the Spring 2010 Convocation on June 16 at 10:30am and on Greenberg during the June 17 ceremony at 10:30am.

A Distinguished Research Professorship is awarded to a professor who has demonstrated scholarly achievement by sustained publication or other recognized and accepted demonstrations of sustained authoritative contributions to scholarship.

Right: Pat Armstrong

Armstrong, who is appointed to graduate programs in health, political science, science & technology, sociology and women's studies, holds a (CHSRF)/ (CIHR) Chair in Health Services. She is also a professor of sociology in the Faculty of Liberal Arts & Professional Studies and an executive member of the 91��ɫ Institute for Health Research and the Graduate Program in Health Policy & Equity .

She recently received Social Sciences & Humanities Research Council of Canada () funding through the program to identify promising practices for understanding and organizing long-term residential health care. Armstrong's project seeks to learn from and with other countries to understand the approaches, structures, accountability practices and ownership arrangements that create conditions prompting respectful and dignified treatment for both residents and caregivers.

Another SSHRC-funded research project looks at the risks nurses face in health care, while a Canadian Institutes of Health Research-funded project compared the workplace conditions and levels of violence faced by long-term care workers to those in Nordic countries.

She has authored, co-authored or co-edited over 20 books, including , , and .

Armstrong chairs Women & Health Care Reform, a working group that crosses the Centres of Excellence for Women's Health, and is acting co-director of the National Network on Environments & Women’s Health. She is currently a principal of the Ontario Training Centre in Health Services & Policy Research, a board member of the 91��ɫ Institute for Health Research, and has served as both chair of the Department of Sociology at 91��ɫ and director of the School of Canadian Studies at Carleton.

In addition, Armstrong has served as an expert witness in more than a dozen cases heard before bodies ranging from the federal court to federal human rights tribunals on issues related to women’s health-care work and to pay equity.

Left: Leslie Greenberg

(PhD ’76), appointed to the Graduate Program in Psychology, is among the pioneers and is primary developer of emotion-focused therapy (EFT) for individuals and for couples, which is based on the findings that emotions influence thought and behaviour. It is a psychotherapy technique that promotes the resolution of unpleasant emotions by working with them rather than suppressing or avoiding them. Greenberg is interested in couple and individual therapy using EFT, as well as examining how people deal with unresolved emotions and how that affects their ability to forgive. In recent years, he has used EFT to help couples when one person has had an affair. He is also interested in how EFT can help people with depression.

EFT is now recognized as evidence-based treatment for depression as well as couple conflict, and there is also growing evidence of its effectiveness for trauma, interpersonal problems and eating disorders. In a 2002 study, Greenberg and his colleagues studied individuals who had suffered injuries ranging from emotional to physical abuse and found that those who were treated with EFT had much better results than individuals who were treated with psycho-educational therapy. Greenberg has devoted over 20 years to EFT research and has conducted EFT workshops for therapists interested in learning his theory and technique around the globe. Closer to home, he is providing training in EFT for professionals from around the world at the 91��ɫ Psychology Clinic.

Greenberg has won many awards, including the Award for Excellence in Professional Training from the Canadian Council of Professional Psychology Programs, the Carl Rogers Award from the Division 32, the Distinguished Career Award from the Society for Psychotherapy Research and the Professional Award for Distinguished Contributions to Psychology as a Profession from the .

His professional publications include more than 100 peer-reviewed papers, 89 book chapters and some 17 books, including , , and .

He is a founding member of the and the Society for Constructivism in Psychotherapy, and a past president of the .

In addition, he is on the editorial board of many psychotherapy journals, including the and the .

For more information about Distinguished Research Professorships, visit the Faculty of Graduate Studies Web page. The list of current and past Distinguished Research Professors is available on the 91��ɫ Research Web site.

Republished courtesy of YFile– 91��ɫ’s daily e-bulletin.

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